AUTHOR: Carolyn Savage | POSTED: September 12, 2013 | COMMENTS: 3 Comments
CATEGORIES: From The Files of You Can't Make This Sh*t Up,
I think Mother Nature is upset with me over the half a snake incident. As a result, the wild kingdom antics in our home continue as evidenced by an event last night that, at one point, had MK, the twins and I all standing on top of my bed screaming. I was getting Mary Kate in her pjs in my bedroom when all of sudden two cat paws…with claws…poked out from under my bed. Seeing as how we have a cat, this shouldn’t have been a big deal. Right?
Our cat was declawed three years ago.
Seriously…what the heck is up with animals wanting to bust into the Savage house? It isn’t all that awesome in here. In fact, it’s rather treacherous and freakin’ loud. That’s why Reese, the animal that is actually permitted to be in our house, stays outside as much possible. Maybe Reese has some sort of vendetta against the other animals she shares a yard with and has convinced them that inside is ‘the bomb’ out of pure spite.
Whatever the case, stray cats…with claws…under my bed…is not even a little bit okay.
Of course, it took a few seconds for me to react with the grand daddy of all curse words. I’d like to apologize now to MK’s preschool teachers. Trust me…I’ve talked to her about how the word, “Motherf*cker” is not something anything anyone should ever say let alone scream at the top of her lungs. Her response,”OK. Unless there’s a strange animal under your bed. ”
Yes, MK. If there’s a strange animal under your bed our household ban on cursing is temporarily suspended.
(Let’s just stop here and take a moment while I add another jewel to my crown of motherhood.)
Anyways, after throwing all three girls on top of my bed I stopped cursing and instead screamed for Sean. Ignoring the urgency in my voice that beckoned him to take four steps at a time, he eventually showed up with a quizzical look on his face. I guess he didn’t know that the the presence of a predator under our bed warranted the chaos he was witnessing. That is until he got down on all fours, lifted the bed skirt and came face to face with one pissed off feline…with claws.
Then there were five of us on top of the bed.
After a prickly conversation about whose fault it was that this stray was able to gain access to our home we came to the conclusion that the cat was probably going to need an extracation of some sort. So, being the mature adults we are, we rock, papered, scissored trying to decide who was going to shew the cat from the room.
First Sean tried pushing it out with a broom. Unfortunately, this trespasser didn’t budge. That’s when I saw our neighbor in her driveway and figured she might be able to help. You see, this cat, along with many others that frequent our yard, are loosly tied to her. She has a heart of gold and I swear to you strays of all kinds can smell her miles away. She’s always nursing something back to health and then the animals tend to stick around.
So, figuring that she might have a relationship with our little friend, I requested her presence in our bedroom. When I lifted the bed skirt to show her our visitor she said, “Oh…that’s Frankie. Come here Frankie!” and she grabbed him buy the scruff and dragged him out in a nano-second.
Cat extracation complete.
Of course, she apologized but we just laughed. I explained it’s all about perspective, “Finding a strange cat in my bedroom is preferential to finding half a snake in my family room” to which she gave me a puzzled look. I responded, “You don’t even want to know.”
And that’s the truth.
Before anyone reads me the riot act about declawing Reese and then allowing her to go outside allow me to explain. We rescued Reese eight years ago–claws intact. She was clearly an indoor-outdoor cat. No problem. Until one day when MK was about eight months old she and used Reese as a handle to pull herself up on the ottoman. Reese, who is an otherwise extremely tolerant and patient kitty, must have been really hurting because she scratched MK multiple times across the face. (I didn’t see this in progress, arriving at the scene immediately afterwards.) That’s when the front claws came out.
Reese still goes outside and seems to have no problem hunting or defending herself with her hind claws. We realize it’s not ideal, but it was the best we could do given the circumstances.
So far…so good.