Appreciating Captain Safety

AUTHOR: | POSTED: January 5, 2011 | COMMENTS: 2 Comments
CATEGORIES: Health & Safety, Love & Marriage, Tags: , , , , ,

Carolyn Savage

The kids and I live with Captain Safety.  Who’s Captain Safety?  He’s the guy in our house that can often be heard shouting warnings like, “Wash your hands before you eat!” or “Don’t run with scissors!”  He has a nose for spoiled food, an uncanny ability to remind us to dress appropriately for the weather, and is always chasing the boys with fruit to ensure that they have consumed their daily allowance of vitamin C and anti-oxidants.  In the summer, Captain Safety is always armed with sunscreen in one hand and bug spray in the other.  He is our protector and although we love him dearly, his reminders are often met with sarcastic eye rolls and disrespectful utterances.

I admit to not appreciating Captain Safety the way I should.  I mean, when he leaves for work in the morning, and calls me five minutes into his commute to tell me that our boys should wear hats to school because it is, “very, very cold,” I should be grateful that he called…right?  I probably shouldn’t snap back with some nasty comment like, “Uh…okay.  Actually, I’m glad you called.  You see, if you hadn’t, I may have forgotten to have them wear coats, let alone hats.  In fact, hell…let’s be honest.  If you hadn’t called, I may have forgotten to take them to school!”  Nope.  That is a disrespectful response, and I should learn that I need Captain Safety in my life.  In fact, I learned that the hard way this past week.

To set the scene, first I need to comment on the way manufacturers package “stuff” in tightly molded plastic that is designed to allow you to admire the “stuff” you just bought, but make it darn near impossible to dislodge the “stuff” you now own and desperately want to use.  I mean seriously, does a set of Fisher Price Little People have to be hermetically sealed?  I don’t think so.

I was trying to open a package of Panasonic cordless phones.  It was a much needed Christmas gift as our old cordless phones had all died, and we were down to a single house phone and it is an antique. (Actually my kids refer to it as the “bat phone”.  It’s tethered to the wall and the receiver is actually connected to the phone with a cord. )  Anyways, I felt confident that I could safely open the new phones from their packaging.  After all, I had already successfully freed a Bitty Baby, several Strawberry Shortcake dolls, and two iTouches.  Of course, I had completed those dislodgings under the watchful eye of Captain Safety, who reminded me several times to point the scissors away from myself.  Unfortunately, when it came time to open the phones, the Captain was out for his daily run.

I was in a hurry (as usual) when I grabbed a knife and attempted to slice open the box.  I was surprised when the seal was stronger than anticipated, so I applied more pressure…but in the wrong direction….and in a nano-second, the knife skipped and plunged into my other hand.  After shouting a few expletives and pulling the knife out, I realized my cut was pretty serious and that the rest of my night was probably going to be spent in an ER.  As I ran to the sink, grabbed some paper towels, and ran water over the wound, an even worse scene entered my brain.  “Ugh….Captain Safety is never going to let me live this down.   Hmmmm….Maybe I can hide this from him.”  But before I could find a band aid (or a tourniquet) he was standing right behind me.

Captain :  Carolyn.  What did you do?

Me:  Oh…nothing (as I desperately applied pressure to stop the bleeding.)

Captain:  Uh, that doesn’t look like nothing.

Me:  Just a little paper cut.

Child Shouts from Family Room:  Dad, mom stabbed herself with a knife.

Me:  Thanks, Ryan.

Sean stood there for a moment, surveyed the damage, got me a band aid and smiled.  For a minute I thought he might spare me the Captain Safety reminder, and for another minute, he did.  But then, he just couldn’t help himself.  This time, instead of rolling my eyes and muttering sarcastic utterances, I took it.  I deserved it.

Seven stitches later, I realize that I am in too big of a hurry sometimes.  I often joke that my life is going 150 mph, but I’m only at 110.  It’s in those moments that I am capable of making careless decisions.  Sean isn’t perfect, but I will say that he is more patient at times and as much as we make fun of him and his “Captain Safety” reminders, my guess is he has prevented more than one household accident.  I sure am glad that Captain Safety’s heart is healthy.  God only knows how many stabbings, sunburns, colds, and other mishaps he will prevent in our future!

2 Comments on “ Appreciating Captain Safety ”

  • Jane Cordless | February 12th, 2012 5:56 am

    Hi Carolyn,

    Yes you really should be glad with your “captain safety” in you life. Try living with mister “I don’t give a damm” for a while.


    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • Channeling Your Inner MacGyver to Survive Parenthood! | Mama On The Fly | June 28th, 2012 12:40 pm

    […] the scene depicted above occurred prior to the emergance of Sean’s alter ego, Captain […]

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

Your Comments are Welcome!

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.