Catholic Whispers

AUTHOR: | POSTED: March 27, 2011 | COMMENTS: 32 Comments
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Carolyn Savage

Last week during mass, as I prayed after communion, I thought about how much my church means to me.  After Sean and I were married, my first job was in my parish teaching 8th grade.  All of my children were baptized at font to the left of the altar.  I have practically burned a hole in the crucifix that hangs over the altar praying.  I’ve prayed for my kids, my unborn children, the babies that I have lost and everything else under the sun.  As I pondered how much I would miss the place if I were ever to leave, a kind hand tapped me on the shoulder and before I knew it, I was wrapped in a bear hug from the parent of a former student.  I hugged her back as she whispered in my ear, “We’re so proud of you!” 

“Thank you!”  I said, as I knelt back down.  It was a timely gesture in a seemingly appropriate place—or was it?  You see, there was irony in this scene as not only have we received the most supportive messages from our fellow Catholics, but we have also been condemned by a handful of other Catholics and the leadership of the Catholic Church.

On the day I gave birth and reunited my baby with his genetic parents, the bishop of our diocese released a statement condemning our use of IVF as immoral.  Poor timing aside, the statement was not surprising given that when we met with our pastor to tell him of my pregnancy, he warned us that there would be “those” who would think we had committed a mortal sin. After that meeting I reminded Sean of our pastor’s statement and Sean argued with me.

Sean        He didn’t say mortal sin.

Me           Yes, He did.

Sean        No!  He didn’t.

(In Roman Catholic theology, a mortal sin is a grave matter, such as murder or blasphemy, and is committed with the full knowledge and deliberate consent of the sinner. The committing of such a heinous sin causes a complete loss of grace and leads to eternal damnation unless absolved.)

Sean couldn’t believe that anyone, given the circumstances of what we were doing , would accuse us of committing a mortal sin.  But the church has determined that conceiving in any manner except through sex is immoral.  Therefore, IVF is a mortal sin in the same way that pre-meditated murder, rape and torture are mortal sins.

Because I have endometriosis, and my fallopian tubes don’t work, the only way I can conceive is through IVF.  According to the church, I can use IVF, confess my mortal sin, gain absolution and get back into God’s good grace.  But how do I seek forgiveness for conceiving my children?  If their conception was immoral, what does that say about their souls? I understand the doctrine, but am confused by its necessity.    Isn’t the creation of a loving Catholic family more important than the sexual act?

When I sit in church every Sunday, I can point to many Catholic families that have also turned to IVF to conceive their children.  (I often wonder where the Church thinks all these twins and triplets are coming from?)  The last year I served as a Catholic school principal, our kindergarten class had 24 students with three sets of twins.  We happily took their tuition and their Sunday offering.  I guess we thought that was what Jesus would do.  The question is, would Jesus condemn a married couple for seeking medical treatment that resulted in the conception of a very loved Catholic child?  I would never imply that IVF is acceptable simply because other Catholics are also doing it.  But, honestly, when I look into the eyes of an IVF baby, I see God’s love.  I have no doubt, that IVF children are part of God’s loving plan for our world.

When my fellow parishioner buried me in a supportive hug, she conveyed a sentiment that several Catholics, including many priests and nuns, have whispered to us countless times since my pregnancy.   I’d love it if this unconditional support could be proclaimed in public instead of whispered in private, but I understand why they whisper.  They whisper out of fear.  Fear of being condemned by the very Church we all love.

I struggle to reconcile all of this and still worship in my community.  I worry that I could be wrong and strive to behave in a manner that keeps my life free from arrogance.  I also pray…a lot.  I pray for wisdom, courage and strength.  I also pray for all Catholic IVF children and their parents who are faith filled members of the Catholic Church.  My guess is, if indeed I am condemned to hell for our choice to conceive using IVF, I’ll be in good company.

I’m so grateful for the support I have received from the many Catholics that have stepped into this fire beside us.  I hope and pray that someday, the leadership of the Catholic Church will reconsider their stance on IVF recognizing that the thousands of Catholic IVF children, that fill their churches and schools, were conceived under the most loving of circumstances.  In the meantime, I’ll cherish the kind and supportive whispers and endure the attacks, thanking God every day that the former outnumbers the latter in droves.

32 Comments on “ Catholic Whispers ”

  • Jackie | April 7th, 2011 11:04 am

    First – congrats on the twins. Saw you on the Today Show and am so inspired by you both and how you have handled yourself thru all this. I too am a Catholic and can’t believe what you have been put thru. God gave the knowledge to those who perfected IVF and also to those who make guns. There is a big difference in how those creations are used after being invented and part of our world. There is nothing greater than the love of bringing a child into this world and having them baptized to be brought up with an appreciation of God’s Greatest Gifts, one of them being the child! My blessings are with you.

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  • Carolyn Savage | April 7th, 2011 12:46 pm

    Jackie, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Thank you so much for your support. Please keep Jennifer and the babies in your prayers. And…blessing right back at you!

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  • Chari | April 7th, 2011 10:34 pm

    Congratulations on your twins! Even though the Catholic Church doesn’t agree, doesn’t mean God agrees with the Catholic Church. God always has a plan. This is his plan for your family. Don’t let anyone take your joy away. This is your gift for the most precious gift you gave when you handed Logan over to his parents. As I sit here and write this my own daughter and son in law are going through IVF. We are praying and hopeful. She is a pediatric nurse in the Philadelphia area. She has taken care of babies who have parents that have beat, burned, sexually asaulted, and just neglected them. One time she cried as she held a 9 week old who had been thrown against the wall and every bone broken in her little body.The baby cried every time she was moved. I asked her how she can do what she does. She told me that some of these babies have never been loved or shown kindness and if she can provide that even for a short time it keeps her going back to work everyday. Still she can’t get pregnant on her own. She questions the fairness of it all. At times I know she’s angry with God. How can so many babies suffer and be given to parents who don’t even want them when she could provide such a loving home? So you see there is so much contradiction in life. What you have to remember is if God didn’t mean for it be, it wouldn’t be happening. There woudn’t have been the medical science to learn how to do IVF. There is nothing wrong about a family who want to have a baby, can provide a loving home, and will do anything to make that happen. Please keep these things in mind when you hear the wispers. Much happiness and health to you and your family!! God Bless you all!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

  • Carolyn Savage | April 18th, 2011 2:54 pm

    Chari, Thank you so much for your heartfelt message! Best of luck to your daughter and son in law! It sounds like they will be amazing parents. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for your daughter to do her job, but thank goodness she does. She is an angel to her very tiny patients. Blessings to you too! (And let us know how it turns out with their IVF. They are in our prayers.)

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  • Chari | September 16th, 2011 10:19 pm

    Congratulations!!! It was wonderful to hear the news of the birth of your twins. Hope all is well and you are getting sleep. If not remember this too shall pass (and all too quickly). Enjoy your time with them even if you are up at night. It won’t last forever. My girls are 25 and 19. There are nights I wish they were still little and needing me. A while ago I had mentioned my daughter was a pediatric nurse trying to get pregnant through IVF. Well as of Thursday she was 26 weeks. We are so blessed. The baby is due on 12/23. Can there be any better time of year??? We are so excited. They didn’t find out what the gender is. As my daugher said there aren’t any surprises when IVF is done and she wants one surprise. So it makes it even more exciting. Kind of like not knowing what your getting for Christmas. Hope you and your family are enjoying the approaching fall and have a wonderful holiday season!!

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  • Carolyn Savage | September 17th, 2011 11:50 pm

    Chari, That is the best news. Your grandchild will be here before you know it! I am praying for a healthy remainder of her pregnancy and delivery. What a miracle. Please keep me posted! Just such great news!

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  • Debbie Schaaf | April 8th, 2011 7:59 am

    Full house, Full hands…Full Hearts!!!! Congratulations and God Bless you all. debbie

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  • Carolyn Savage | April 8th, 2011 12:00 pm

    Got it!

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  • Teresa | April 10th, 2011 6:43 am

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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  • Carolyn Savage | April 18th, 2011 3:22 pm

    Teresa, Thank you for your wish for God’s blessings on our family. God has blessed us in so many ways. We are incredibly thankful for the gifts of all three of our children (and for our twins as well).

    It took me a while to reply to this post as I had to do some in depth research regarding NaPro technology in order to appropriately respond to your message. I had never heard of it, which I found quite odd since we have been in treatment for such a long time (with a few Catholic reproductive endocrinologists as well). After researching NaPro, and The Pope Paul VI Institute, I am quite disturbed and very disappointed by what I learned regarding their practices and recommendations for infertile parents.

    NaPro technology consists of useful but very benign approach to fertility treatment. Although monitoring a female’s basal body temperature, and cervical mucus can be helpful for determining when ovulation is going to occur, there isn’t a reproductive physician in the world that hasn’t suggested this very first step of fertility monitoring to his/her patients. How in the world does the Pope Paul the VI Institute claim that this approach is something they discovered? It’s quite misleading that this fertiliy clinic claims they “discovered” this approach to getting pregnant, and then gave it a name like “NaPro”. (I would liken it to some doctor claiming they found the cure to breast cancer, and then giving the process of a self-breast exam a new name and saying they discovered a better alternative to chemotherapy treatment.)

    With all due respect, NaPro technology would have never worked for our family. And what makes you think we didn’t try all of the steps suggested in the NaPro approach? In fact, there wasn’t a step in the Pope Paul VI Institute’s protocol that we didn’t try….for years (but under the care of reproductive endocrinologist who explained our options thoroughly). Ten years to be exact. Unfortunately, when a woman’s fallopian tubes have been rendered useless by endometriosis, watching basal body temperatures, and cervical mucus isn’t going to accomplish anything. The only way to circumvent defective fallopian tubes is to negate them from the conception process. The only way to do that…is through IVF.

    It is of serious concern that the Pope Paul VI Institute is claiming that NaPro technology is three times more successful than IVF. This is a misleading statement of unethical proportion. My goodness….someone who can get pregnant monitoring basal body temperature and cervical mucus doesn’t need IVF. They are fertile for goodness sakes.

    Lastly, I thank God for the FAITH-FILLED and FAITHFUL priests that are an amazing part of our lives. They facilitate to their parishioners…and sometimes that takes the courage and the common sense to recognize when a teaching is off-the-mark.

    Please educate yourself more thoroughly about the Pope Paul VI Institute and the incredible disservice they are doing to their patients. Frankly, I think that clinic has probably misled so many couples that they have cost them the time they needed to build the Catholic family of their dreams. That is a shame.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 8

  • Jennifer J in MN | May 12th, 2011 9:15 am

    NaPro technology is way more than just the creighton method of NFP. You didn’t do due diligence in your research. Dr Hilgers has other techniques, hormonal treatments, surgical treatments and so on–ones that are inline with Catholic moral teaching, to treat infertility.
    It’s sad that when someone has an agenda, we only see the info that we want to see and in the process lead so many astray. I’m happy you made the best of a bad situation when you gave up the baby, but I wish you would actually listen to the Church in these matters.

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  • Carolyn Savage | May 13th, 2011 9:49 am

    Jennifer,

    I have ordered Dr. Hilgers’ book and look forward to the read. I actually researched NaPro quite diligently with the help of some very educated women in the field of reproductive medicine. None of us were really that interested in shelling out the $36 on Amazon to read his book, however. Instead, we relied on some reputable online medical journals to garner our information.

    Why in the world is Dr. Hilgers’ book so expensive? If his objective it to truly revolutionize the field of reproductive medicine and help couples conceive, wouldn’t it be more charitable to make his knowledge more affordable? Perhaps he could start a blog where his wisdom was available for free? (Many of the world’s best physicians do this.)

    Regardless, I’ll read the book and get back to you on my thoughts. Hopefully it was worth the investment!

    Oh…and I couldn’t agree with you more. It IS sad when someone has an agenda, and can only see the info that he/she wants to see, leading so many astray.

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  • Dawn | September 4th, 2011 8:00 pm

    I used NaPro to deal with debilitating endometriosis that had plagued me with severe pain for nearly 10 years, since coming off of hormonal contraception. Five different doctors–including two OBs–told me my only choice was the Pill or hysterectomy. Dr. Thomas Hilgers and Dr. Mark Stegman treated me for endometriosis using a specific surgical methods and hormonal supplementation. We have since gone on to conceive and give birth to two more children. NaPro is NOT just natural family planning–it specifically seeks to fix the underlying reason why a woman is struggling to conceive; the charting is simply a diagnostic tool–NOT the treatment–that the doctors use to help make decisions about treatment.

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  • Carolyn Savage | September 5th, 2011 8:21 am

    Congratulations on the births of your two additional children. I am so happy to hear that Dr. Hilgers methods worked for you. What a blessing!

    I have recently completed an extensive review of Dr. Hilger’s book, The Napro Technology Revolution: Unleashing the Power in a Woman’s Cycle . I will write about my reactions and impressions regarding his treatment approaches to infertility in a coming blog post. However, I can tell you now that after reading his very lengthy and technical book, that there wasn’t a treatment protocol that he prescribed to his patients that I didn’t absolutely agree with. I found his protocols/approaches to be very ethical, methodical and practical. I also found them to be very familiar, as I believe they are the same protocols followed by thousands of thorough and ethical fertility physicians all around the world.

    Thank you for your comment. More to come at a later date!

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  • Grandma Honey | April 15th, 2011 1:12 am

    I just read your book 2 weeks ago. I have been wanting to find a way to write to you…perhaps there is a link somewhere in your book but my sister is reading it now. So I found this web link through Facebook. I just have to say I am so proud of you. So in awe by what you have done and how you have chosen to live your life. It’s one thing to say you are pro-life, it’s another to go through what you and your husband have. I think the main theme of your life is “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That is the basis of being a Christian. The very foundation of following Christ. You are a great example to me of truly living a Christ like life even when it is downright HARD.

    I am a grandmother of 18. The older I get the more I recognize goodness and what matters in this life. You have inspired me to be a better person. I will never forget your story.

    This blog is the first I have heard about your recent appearance on the Today Show. Is there a way for me to see it? I would love to! And twins??!!! Oh my how exciting!!!!!!!

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  • Carolyn Savage | April 18th, 2011 1:01 pm

    Thanks so much for your kind words and reassurance. You are so right about our theme in life. We try so hard to “do unto others”…sometimes easier said than done. We certainly aren’t perfect (fall short all of the time), but I think with continued faith and the strength that grows from adversity, we are learning to be better people every single day!

    Enjoy your grandchildren. Our twins will make 23 grandchildren for Sean’s mom and 8 for my parents. Needless to say, our parents are over the moon. Please keep Jennifer and the babies in your prayers.

    And…please stick around and follow this blog. Also…I’ll post you a link for the Today Show clip soon!

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  • Faith Filled Mom | April 17th, 2011 10:02 am

    God creates all life; I am a beliver though not Catholic. The Holy Bible tells us that He alone gives life. He has given your family life. I think that scripture teaches that the act of mariage is not to be withheld from your spouse. IVF does not withold that act. God commands that we repoduce. He did not say that it was only by sex. He left that out because He is an all knowing God that saw across all time and saw that we would have IVF. We are to follow God’s commands given in scripture, you have fullfilled that. You two have done that with more faith and love towards God and each other and all your blessed children. I hope the older children are fine! Prayers are with you as you undoubtedly hold your birth for the twins. Holding mine with you!

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 4

  • Carolyn Savage | April 18th, 2011 1:04 pm

    Thank you so much for this supportive message. We couldn’t agree with you more! Know we are holding prayers for you and yours too! Blessings!

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  • Elena | May 18th, 2011 1:29 pm

    I wept with your family at the terrible ordeal you endured in giving up the baby you had given life to and I commend you for carrying that child to term and giving him life.

    I too am a Catholic and I believe that Christ endowed the Church’s shepherds with the charism of infallibility in matters of faith and morals. I see the church’s wisdom in standing against artificial birth control and at the same time not supporting IVF. I wish that those teachings could truly be explained to the laity in a way that is clear and loving so that many hearts could truly hear and accept them. The Catholic church is either the church instituted by Christ and the guardian of the truth on faith and moral issues, or it is not. To believe that the church is right “except” for this or that issue isn’t Catholicism. It’s Protestantism.

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  • Carolyn Savage | May 19th, 2011 9:03 am

    Elena,
    Thank you for your message and your sympathy regarding our difficult experience. Please understand that we respect your opinion regarding this doctrine and understand how sacred your beliefs are to you.

    We’ve never really thought of ourselves as Protestants posing as Catholics, but if that’s truly the case, I think we are in good company.

    Blessings to you and yours!

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  • Carolyn Savage | May 28th, 2011 2:12 pm

    Elena,

    As I have said before…we will have to agree to disagree on this one. We have tried to be very respectful of your beliefs. We realize how important they are to you!

    That being said, we were disturbed to read your personal attacks against us in the Amazon review of our book. Of course, you are entitled to harbor any opinion about us that you have, but to attack our parenting skills by specifically mentioning our son and your thoughts about how we have neglected him and our daughter as well, are contrarian to the person you portray yourself to be.

    In addition, your insinuation that I am likely to end up with ovarian cancer, in your Amazon review, was distrurbing as well.

    In the end, these kinds of “below the belt” attacks are not productive. In fact, I believe they speak more to the person that you are and destroys all credibility with regards to your formerly valid comments on this blog and on our Facebook page.

    I have posted these exact comments in response to your comments on our Facebook page, as well as attaching them to your review on Amazon.

    I truly believe that you need to engage in some prayerful reflection about your behavior. It is troubling.

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  • Elizabeth | June 22nd, 2011 12:25 pm

    Carolyn, I just found your book at the library on Monday and finished it today. FASCINATING! I ached for you all through the book. As one who didn’t have trouble getting pregnant but had trouble staying pregnant, and also one who bonded with our five babies (we lost 2) immediately, I could only imagine what you & your husband went through. Truly “Inconceivable”. Your gift of life is amazing. It must have been such a difficult decision, however, being pro-life, it likely wasn’t a difficult decision to carry to term, but agonizing to go through. I understood the roller-coaster of emotions in some small way. WOW! I wish I knew more about Logan and his family – and how he’s doing now. Forgive my confused words – it’s hard to write with such emotions. May God bless your family! Elizabeth

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  • Carolyn Savage | June 23rd, 2011 8:20 am

    Elizabeth, Thanks for the message. I am so glad to hear you found our story inspiring. It has been a rough journey, but we are so happy to be expecting our twin daughters through our gestational carrier, Jennifer. We are so lucky to have Jennifer in our lives. Stay tuned…we will have lots of updates as delivery day approaches!

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  • Wendy | October 13th, 2011 10:56 am

    Carolyn, Congratulations on the birth of your twins! I am so happy for you! Your story is truly an amazing journey. One thing I wonder as I read about the issues of Catholicism and the Church’s response to your situation is how you continue so steadfastly in your commitment to being Catholic. I am Catholic and we have conceived 2 beautiful children through IVF. After years of being childless, I cannot say how truly blessed by God we feel. However, although we have baptized them in the Church, I am struggling with how to raise them in a Church that does not support their creation. My husband also favors Catholic schooling and although I went to Catholic school, again, I wonder if that will be the best place to send our children in light of the Church’s position. I know full well that there are many IVF children attending our Catholic school; however, I still feel that maybe, we should find another church that would embrace us rather than make us feel that we should not tell or should only “whisper” our story. Even your recent post about your conference with the Baptists made it sound like they were more welcoming of you than your own church. Wendy

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  • Carolyn Savage | October 13th, 2011 5:23 pm

    Wendy,

    Congratulations on your two IVF miracles. You are truly blessed.

    Your question is quite timely because I am struggling mightlily with the exact same issues. We baptized the babies in the church last week. I don’t want to take the opportunity for the girls to be Catholic away from them because of the current doctrine. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure all of this out.

    We were quite welcome in the Baptist church where we spoke. In addition, we have been embraced by every Christian who has invited us to tell our story in their forum. It was funny…the Baptist minister who toured us through his church last week commented that we must have delivered our message countless times in our own community. When we explained that we are actually strongly discouraged from talking about our faith journey because IVF is considered evil by Catholic doctrine, the minister was saddened…but not surprised. Then he shook his head.

    Now that being said, Sean and I are so entrenched in our parish, we can’t imagine worshipping anywhere else.

    Clear as mud…don’t you think?

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  • Wendy | October 14th, 2011 9:48 pm

    Carolyn,
    Thanks for your thoughtful response. Good luck with your faith journey! It is nice that you feel support from your parish and that may be the difference. We are not as fulfilled by our parish as it is quite conservative and that may be more of our problem. I feel like the IVF families all know not to talk too loudly about their experiences — there is even a woman who had a surrogate who confided that she could never tell the priest even though so many at the parish are well aware of it. We recently attended a family mass at a gym at my sister-in-law’s parish in another town and found it more uplifting and welcoming. It really is amazing how different churches of the same religion can be.

    Enjoy those babies — I’m sure it is very chaotic with newborn twins and the older siblings, but, as you well know, before you can blink, the twins will be much older too!
    Wendy

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  • Laura Blaes | January 17th, 2013 12:19 am

    Sometimes the Catholic Church just saddens me. It hurts to stay and I can’t go anywhere else. Sigh.

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  • Becky | December 30th, 2011 12:55 pm

    First I want to applaud you for your tremendous sacrifice and your gift to the other couple and for your love of the Catholic faith, which we both share.

    I do feel compelled to comment simply because it is clear that you are disillusioned by our Church’s teachings on IVF which many people are and I want to clarify what I believe is the crux of the Church’s position.

    In its teachings on IVF, the Church is simply acknowledging that the best and SAFEST place to begin our lives is in our mother’s womb created by an act of love between our genetic parents, not in a lab by a stranger where we are barcoded or RFID tagged and if we are lucky transferred to our mother’s womb. With IVF, if you are not one of the lucky ones you can get filled with anti-freeze and frozen where 70% of the time you are damaged by the process (or 25% of the time you don’t survive atall). In the lab you may be lost, abandoned, discarded, sold over the Internet to a stranger, given to researchers to be destroyed for parts, or even transferred to the wrong woman. In many states the fact that you are an IVF embryo immediately makes you your parents PROPERTY to dispose of as they wish.

    These are the hard realities of creating life outside the body. These little lives are (intentionally or not) are objectified and commodified. Your own experience is a perfect illustration of why the Church opposes IVF. The child you carried was blessed that you and your husband are such wonderful people. But many times the child is aborted if he or she ends up in the wrong woman. This should never happen, but it does. Every life deserves better than to be simply lucky to end up in the right place, their mother’s womb. Every life deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and nurtured in the safest environment possible from the very beginning.

    All life is precious. We all deserve the best. I, in my youth, had a child out of wedlock. I love my daughter, my God and my Church love my daughter. She is a precious gift I would never refuse but my behavior (having sex outside of marriage) was wrong because I put her at risk of growing up without a stable family, without a loving father. She deserved to be conceived under the best possible circumstances. I denied her that and our Church rightfully says that I was wrong to do that.

    As stated before, IVF is not the only answer for infertility. I have 3 friends who conceived with NaPro Technology and since they have had the underlying cause of their infertility addressed, they can get pregnant again and again.

    God bless you for all you have done to protect the life entrusted to you. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  • Laura Blaes | January 16th, 2013 11:43 pm

    Hi Carolyn,

    Just read this post and like always, what you say inspires me to talk–not that I need much urging in that department! I, too, am Catholic and while I love my Church, the hierarchy is another matter. I so don’t understand their stance on so many things. I have rarely seen anyone live their faith as devotedly as you did when carrying your “Little Man”. Yet Rome will look at you with condemnation. I remain puzzled and frustrated. I’ve also done things guided by my conscience, but condemned by the Church. I live in the Diocese where the priest was put OUT of the Church for changing a few words in his prayers at Mass. He is a very good man–but not in Rome’s eyes. Puzzled and frustrated. I simply go on faith that the God who created my mind and heart would want me to use them and to live as Jesus lived, rather than always by the rules of a Church I love in spite of itself!

    Children most certainly ARE God’s gifts. Does it matter so much how that strong Catholic family is formed?? Perhaps to the Pope. To God, I think not.

    Thank you for sharing your light of faith with me and so many. I agree with the whispers!

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  • Carolyn Savage | January 17th, 2013 10:17 am

    So sad about the priest that was “put out” (which is a kind way of putting it). I think this pope has been very clear with his edicts. He wants a more conservative church, and if that means a smaller church, well, he’s just fine with that.

    Very disheartening.

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  • Cajun | January 27th, 2013 9:31 pm

    Creating embryos in petri dishes with the possibility of discarding the “non-viable” ones and freezing the excess ones, and then having them implanted into your womb, knowing the huge possibility of miscarriage and then greater odds of genetic diseases/complications if born….all for the sake of having a biological baaaybee is horrible on EVERY level. It doesn’t matter that you think your intention are good, they are not. Your intentions are not of God but of yourself, and anyone who does IVF is treating human life and babies as if they are commodities and not gifts from our created. Children are on loan from God for us to love and guide in His name, not to create and destroy or freeze at our own will and desire. I guess adopting a loving a child is beneath IVFers

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  • Carolyn Savage | January 28th, 2013 1:02 pm

    Hi Megan, When I read your comment last night, before bed, I had to stifle my initial desire to respond immediately. It’s funny how most of us always jump to defensive mode when someone challenges the decisions we’ve made. (Especially personal decision like how our children came to us.)

    After sleeping on it, I’ve decided not to point out all of the inaccuracies in your comment about the odds of miscarriage with IVF, the insinuation that IVF children are at a higher risk for genetic disease,

    Of course, you apparently haven’t read much on this blog or my book. If you had you’d know that I absolutely do believe my children are gifts from God and not commodities. Or…maybe you have and you still feel the way you do.

    Regardless, I respect your ability to have an opinion about me, my children and my family. You have every right to believe whatever you want, and to speak your mind.

    What I do realize, however, is that based on the tone of your comment, there is no way to engage you in a meaningful conversation about the issues of IVF, “non-viable embryos” etc.. I feel that the vitriol in your comment means my words, points and FACTS would fall on deaf ears.

    So…all the best to you and yours. May you sleep well at night. God knows, I do.

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