Managing A Pit with Some Faith

AUTHOR: | POSTED: July 29, 2013 | COMMENTS: 8 Comments
CATEGORIES: Authentic Life, Blogging Honestly, Faith, Focusing on The Joy,

Carolyn Savage

Last week was our annual Michigan week.  Every summer we carve a week out of our schedule and set up camp at my parent’s home.  Like last year, it was the girls and I for most of the week.  The boys joined us just in time for the weekend and some unseasonably cooler temperatures.

Low temperatures aside we had a wonderful time.  There’s something about my week in the woods…next to the lake…that is simply serene.

We picked blueberries and Isabella would have nothing to do with it.  She refused to get out of the wagon.  She just sat there and ate from the bush next to her.

We picked blueberries and Isabella would have nothing to do with it. She refused to get out of the wagon. She just sat there and ate from the bush next to her.

This one ate so many blueberries we had to plug her with a pacifier.

This one ate so many blueberries we had to plug her with a pacifier.

Sunset one night was so windy she had to "suit up" to protect herself from the blowing sand.

One evening sunset was so windy she had to “suit up” to protect herself from the blowing sand.

 

We had some calm warm days and nights...

Thank goodness for the calmer, warmer days.

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Now…about that pit.

There was is a pit…and it’s growing…in my stomach.  Frankly, this pit has caught me so off-guard that it’s hard for me to get a grip on how it’s effecting my days.  I know where it’s coming from, though.  You see, we are three weeks and counting to the day we take Drew off to college.  I know I’ve written this a thousand times but please humor me as I make it one thousand and one.  I’m so excited for him to go.  I know he has to go.  I wouldn’t want him not to go.

But…

I don’t want him to go.

Make sense?

I’m sure for those of you who’ve “been there done that” it does.  For the rest of you, believe me when I say that preparing to send your first born off to school is a mixed bag of anticipation and dread.  As I made my way home yesterday, I could feel the noose on his inevitable exit from our daily lives tightening.  I know I’ll get through this, but these weeks of dorm shopping and college prep are going to be bittersweet.

Adding fuel to the fire, I think our week at the lake exacerbated my emotions about Drew leaving.  Lake Michigan holds so many memories of my son’s childhoods.  In a way, I’m redoing so much of what we did with Drew and Ryan with Mary Kate and the girls.

Drew and Ryan used to run these dunes.

Drew and Ryan used to run these dunes.

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The boys loved playing in this creek, too.

The boys loved exploring in this creek, too.

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The boys spent countless hours of their summers playing in the pool where the creek meets Lake Michigan.  Here we are again....

The boys spent countless hours of their summers playing in the pool where the creek meets Lake Michigan.

Doing the things the boys loved to do with our girls is such a blessing.  At the same time, it causes a flood of memories to wash over me which is followed by some sort of shock.  How did time pass so quickly?  How is it my sons are so grown up?  Did I do everything with them I wanted to?

And…cue…pit.

Of course, I’m managing this pit.  I swear I will keep it in check so as not to damper Drew’s excitement about leaving for college.  The last thing I want to do is burden him.  So. I’ll carry this pit hoping it subsides.  I’m pretty damn sure it will.  I’ve had pits about little boys before and low and behold–they’ve turned into blessings.

"L" before we said goodbye.

“L” before we said goodbye. (2009)

I’m counting on future blessings.  I have faith they will come.

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Happy Monday!

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8 Comments on “ Managing A Pit with Some Faith ”

  • Michele | July 29th, 2013 4:44 pm

    You just spelled out word for word what I am feeling every day. We too are getting ready to send our first born off to college. He is so excited and so ready and can’t wait to start this new chapter in his life but I struggle to be as excited. My selfishness is kicking in and I am not ready to let go. It took us five years to have him and now the ride seems over already. Our daughter (second born) is also sad about her brother leaving. I know we have raised an intelligent, well rounded son who will make good choices. I have also decided that it is time for me to cut that umbilical cord and share this amazing young man with the world. I have two weeks before I have take him to school and I am trying to focus on the time I have with him not the time I have until he is gone. Good luck to you and your first born.

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  • Diane | July 30th, 2013 12:06 am

    I cried when I put my first born on the kindergarten school bus. As I sent her off to co;;age, she came home three weeks later with laundry, again at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break, then all summer. Did the same for five more children. The worst pit so far is giving my 42 year old back to God but know she is at peace

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  • Carolyn Savage | July 30th, 2013 5:14 pm

    Diane…Thank you so much for sharing. And…I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pit that you live with.

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  • Jen D | July 30th, 2013 10:13 am

    Too bad Drew was not going to a school near by and could save not only the cost of living away from home but also delay the leaving of the nest. My oldest boy did and my youngest one is planning on going onto college or university within daily driving distance of home. They may not get that “growth” that comes from leaving home after high school but that growth will come. Just when there were times when I thought they would be in diapers forever I know there will be a day when they move out for good. I just hope that when that time comes that the joy on my face when we emptied the last of the diapers will be the same on my face when I send them off into the world when my desire will be to lock the door and keep them at home forever. Try to focus on all the good times when he will be returning home for visits and holidays and not on the times he will be away.

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  • Carolyn Savage | July 30th, 2013 5:16 pm

    Hi Jen,

    SOmetimes I wish he was going to the University of Toledo. He chose his school based on it’s Journalism school’s strength, hence his choice to attend Ohio University. I will continue to focus on all the good times yet to come. Great advice.

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  • A ‘Man Down’ And Not That Bad | Mama On The Fly | August 21st, 2013 3:40 pm

    […] stories each night at the dinner table has mentally (quietly) unraveled me a bit.  I’ve written countless times about how I’ve been balancing two very different emotions about Drew going to […]

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  • A Visit and That Pit | Mama On The Fly | October 21st, 2013 8:57 pm

    […] transition.  I’m still excited to see how his future unfolds but as I pulled away I felt that pit in my stomach again.   How did we get to this place so quickly?   Didn’t he just start […]

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    […] There’s that pit. […]

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