Mommy Confession

AUTHOR: | POSTED: January 8, 2013 | COMMENTS: 2 Comments
CATEGORIES: Glass City Parent,

Carolyn Savage

If you are a regular reader here you know that every Wednesday morning I drag myself out of bed at an unGodly hour (even more unGodly than normal) and trek downtown Toledo to spend some time with  Rick and Mary Beth at 101.5  The River.  My role is to bring them some sort of interesting mommy topic to chatter about between 7:30 and 8:00 in the morning.  If you are in the region, you can tune in.  If not, you can always listen on I Heart Radio.  I promise it’s worth ten minutes of your time because usually my antics are in full throttle for their show… which translates to lots of laughs.  

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I confess, to almighty God, and you my brothers and sisters, that I sinned through my own fault…my own lazy ,tired fault…and that should surprise nobody.  After all, I am a mom so everything that goes left of center in this house is ultimately my fault.

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Isn’t that the way most mother’s feel?  (Please tell me it is.)  I don’t know how but somewhere between that first positive pregnancy test and death, we moms convince ourselves that everything from hangnails to poor behavior in our children were born out of something “we have done, or failed to do.

Guilt is powerful and for some odd reason, seems to grow and thrive in mothers at an alarmingly rapid rate.  The funny thing is, I often catch myself feeling guilty about self perceived shortcomings or failures that in the whole scheme of life are really inconsequential.

What do I mean?

Well, why the hell else would I go to such extreme lengths to create the facade that I can whip up a mexican casserole that eerily resembles a Grilled Stuft Burrito from Taco Bell?  Would my family love me less if they knew I was truly to tired to cook that day, and instead was serving them drive thru fare?

Sometimes when I’m with a fellow group of moms, our conversation turns to the topic of “mommy confessions”.  In order for this to happen, all the women involved have to feel uberly comfortable because confessing a “mommy sin” is a true act of letting your guard down.  Regardless, when these conversations occur with my girlfriends, I feel vindicated.  It’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only mother out there that hates bedtime stories and *sometimes* cheats and skips pages in a book just to get my little bugger in bed so I can collapse on the couch and watch mindless reality television.   (Please…just walk a day in my shoes before you judge me.)

Apparently not every mom is comfortable airing their confessions with their in-real-life counterparts, however.  Hence, the birth of some very popular websites that provide a safe, judgment free environment for mommy confessions.  One such site is called Scary Mommy and is devoted to nothing but moms getting their guilt off of their chests.  I read through the latest confessions now and then, and I admit, some of them make me cringe, but most of them are very relatable.  Here are a few of my favorites…

1.  I’m wearing maternity jeans right now, but I haven’t been pregnant in six years.”  (I have some maternity cords from 2007 that I love and, sadly, still wear.)

2.  I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV. “ (No need to ask why I relate to this confession.)

3.  “Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate.”  (Thank God.  I’m not the only mother who hides chocolate.)

4.  I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.” (I actually don’t belong to a gym, but my God, this is brilliant.)

5.  I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.” (Pleading the fifth here.)

6.  “My kids hardly bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.” (I used to be a lifeguard, so I know how pool chemicals work…and don’t work, so I can’t get away with this one, but can totally understand how ignorance would be bliss.)

7.  Everyone thinks I’m such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn’t me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.”  (I didn’t write this one, but I could have.)

8.  “When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her ‘a gazillion.’ Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.” (I’m not a home schooler, but can completely relate.  When Drew was five I was too chicken to discuss the concept of death, so I told Drew the reason his gold fish was twice as big when he got home from school was because I took the fish to the vet and he got a vitamin shot.  Unfortunately, the next day, Drew told his kindergarten class all about how the vitamin shot stopped his beloved fish from floating at the top of the bowl and made him grow.  Yes, I’m pretty sure his teacher thought I was an ass.)

9.   “I often see kids and am startled by how unattractive the baby is.  Not every baby is cute.”  (This reminds me of a Seinfeld episode when some friends of the gang’s had an ugly baby.  And yes…I’ve seen an ugly baby.  I’ve also noted that sometimes ugly babies turn into the most beautiful children.)

10.  “Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: ‘No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.’ I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.”  (Yes, kinda been there, done that…complete with eye roll.)

 

Now, before anyone goes and gets themselves in a big huff about these confessions, allow me to remind you of the old adage, “Judge ye, lest ye be judged.”

We all have shortcomings.  Every mother is human, and sometimes we have to cut ourselves a little bit of slack by judging ourselves less harshly, and loving ourselves more completely.  I remember a wise person once told me…

Love yourself as much as your child loves you.  You are worthy in their eyes, so you are worthy as a mother.

Brilliant.

 

 

 

 

2 Comments on “ Mommy Confession ”

  • Teri | January 9th, 2013 7:59 am

    This is what real moms are like. Anyone who disagrees is a lying sack of dog poo. Good morning, Carolyn! :)

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  • Carolyn Savage | January 9th, 2013 9:55 am

    Amen. You crack me up!

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