Pinterest Plus Halloween Makes for One Annoyed Mother

AUTHOR: | POSTED: October 23, 2013 | COMMENTS: 5 Comments
CATEGORIES: 1015 The River, Glass City Parent,

Carolyn Savage

Look, my mom wasn’t all that into Halloween either.  It’s genetic.

Okay, so I think I read somewhere that when you start a conversation (or in this case a blog post) with an excuse it’s a sign of defensiveness.  Am I feeling defensive about my maternal actions–or lack there of–regarding Halloween?

Well, yes.

Here’s why…

What the hell is this tomfoolery?

What the hell is this tomfoolery?

Every year Halloween sneaks up on me like that effing snake on my porch.  (I know it’s out there but I do my best to pretend it’s not…until it’s too late…and it’s between my legs.  Well…Halloween isn’t between my legs but same difference.  Hell.  I just realized if you don’t regularly read my blog you are going to think I have issues…which I do…but not the ones you may think I have given those last few sentences.  You may want to read this to garner context.)

Anyways…

I hate Pinterest.   What the hell does Pinterest have to do with Halloween?  Everything.  Before Pinterest under achieving non-costume making mothers like myself only had to feel bad about themselves for an hour or two on the 31st.   You know…when the children of these mothers begged for candy in costumes that required as little effort as possible NEXT TO children whose mothers were costume crafting freaks.  I remember as a child remarking once to my mother regarding my friend’s super cool costume …

Me:  Mom,  Laura’s mom made her a costume out of paper mache’  and chicken wire.

Mom:  Laura’s mom is a wino.

Which was ironic because I think I was dressed as a wino for  the fourth Halloween in a row that year.    (Cue phone call from my mom reminding me she NEVER let me go trick-or-treating as a wino.  Okay mom.  I was a hobo…but I did carry a bottle wrapped in a paper bag as a prop.   I think it might be time we called a spade a spade?)

Anyways…

Fast forward to the hell of present day Halloween pressures and the past month’s feeds of my various social media accounts.  Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and even the 140 character Twitter have been clogged with crafty Halloween costume undertakings that makes me want to do nothing but take a nap.  (Or become a wino….but I digress.)  You see, the problem is I can’t even muster up enough inspiration to rummage through the costume bin in my garage to see what I could possibly fashion out of an old Harry Potter cloak combined with the afro wig from the year Drew was Ben Wallace from the Pistons.  Making matters worse, MK wants to dress up as a fairy.  At first I was all…Awesome.  You were Tinker Bell last year so you can be Tinker Bell again this year…but no!  MK want’s to be Vidya, the archnemesis of Tinker Bell, also known as the fairy of the fast who really looks like she shops at Forever Goth and smokes Djarums.

MK,  2012

MK, 2012

 

Bottom line…there’s no cheap store bought Vidya costume anywhere in town… so Vidya is OUT.

Recognizing that I needed to quickly refocus my five year old I suggested Cinderella.  She countered with Ariel which is where negotiations ended with a happy five year old and very little effort required of me.

Happy?  Yes.

Shamed?  A little.

Twins, 2012.  The costumes were gifted to us.  The ultimate year of no effort.  Makes me smile just thinking about it!

Twins, 2012. The costumes were gifted to us. The ultimate year of no effort. Makes me smile just thinking about it!

There have been past Halloweens where I was struck by some inexplicable costume crafting motivation, but those days are long gone.  I’m in my forties.  I’m too tired for all that fuss and I admit it… and then promptly blame my apathy on genetics.

Drew circa 2001.  I connected that owl to his shoulder back when I used to care.

Drew circa 2001. I connected that owl to his shoulder back when I used to care.

Ryan circa 2001.  I think he was Peter Pan or Robin Hood.  I get those two mixed up.  All I remember is that it was ALL ABOUT THE SWORD!

Ryan circa 2001. I think he was Peter Pan or Robin Hood. I get those two mixed up. All I remember is that it was ALL ABOUT THE SWORD!

So…if you notice that I’m not gushing over your most recent status update about your little ones fancy pants Halloween costume please know that my silence is mostly about me and less about you.

Not totally…but mostly.

Just kidding…not really.

*****

A few pet owners that, in my opinion, need mental help.

halloween -  dog costume 3

halloween - dog costume 1halloween cat costume

 

And a few cute DIY Kids Costumes that you won’t see on my children but could be on yours…

Halloween - chicken 2

Halloween -  Little red riding hoodHalloween - sandwichHalloween Chicken

For instructions on how to make the above kids costumes click here.  If you need instructions on how to make the above pet costumes get a life.  I’m not helping you with that!

*****

This post was written for my weekly segment for Rick and Mary Beth on 101.5 The River.  To listen tune it at 7:25 am Wednesday mornings!

5 Comments on “ Pinterest Plus Halloween Makes for One Annoyed Mother ”

  • Teri | October 24th, 2013 7:25 am

    I’m with you, Halloween is cringeworthy for me. I’m so happy that my girls now are able to come up with their own ideas (zombie soccer player required only some white make up with black skeleton features!) But I don’t miss the days of fighting through the costume aisles (aka the blood-covered battlfield) of Party City looking for a Hello Kitty in size 6.

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  • Marion Downing | October 24th, 2013 9:33 pm

    “Zombie soccer player”- Priceless! I love it! 😀

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  • Elizabeth | October 24th, 2013 9:53 am

    I am so with you, as someone who grew up in England the most we did was turn the lights out and sit with candles or go outside once it was dark and play and scare ourselves. Having to come up with Halloween costumes each year was painful and so hard, and I really never got in to the decorating part either. I am afraid it all seems such a waste of money when there are so many children hungry for healthy food!!! Feel guilty now as neither of my grown, 16 and 18 year old children get too into it either – did I deprive them? Oh how we beat ourselves up.

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  • Jen | October 26th, 2013 9:53 am

    I’m with you on the crafty costumes AND I was a Hobo when I was little too.

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  • Shelley | November 3rd, 2013 5:33 pm

    Laura’s mom is a wino…your mom is awesome! Tell it like it is! :)

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