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Post-Operative Shenanigans I Didn’t Remember… Until I Got The Receipt

AUTHOR: | POSTED: December 10, 2013 | COMMENTS: 3 Comments
CATEGORIES: 1015 The River, From The Files of You Can't Make This Sh*t Up, Recipes, Shenanigans,

Carolyn Savage

You know how when you have out patient surgery you leave the hospital half drugged up and half zoned out with a stack of discharge instructions that you rarely read?

Turns out someone who’s not drugged up and zoned out should read them…throroughly …because there’s a golden nugget of advice tucked in between the warnings about shortness of breath and tips on how to not rip open your stitches that go a little something like this…

“UNTIL THE EFFECTS OF SEDATION HAVE DISSIPATED DO NOT MAKE ANY IMPORTANT DECISIONS OR SIGN ANY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS.”  

Well, duh.  Right?

Turns out, however, I have an additional piece of advice for the non-drugged up, zoned out person caring for the the one who has just been sedated.

TAKE YOUR RECENTLY ANESTHETIZED LOVED ONE’S SMART PHONE AWAY!  And…if you don’t she cannot be held responsible for anything she does with said technology for a period of up to 48 hours after surgery (which is apparently the length of time it takes for anesthesia to stop affecting my brain).

Of course, my post-op instructions didn’t advise Sean to confiscate my phone…so he didn’t…which didn’t seem like such a big deal until the UPS man delivered a Keurig coffee maker to my home this past Monday morning.

Sean-  Why did someone send us a coffee maker?

Me – What?  We don’t drink coffee?

Sean – Exactly.  

That’s when I ripped open the box expecting to see that it was a gift from Keurig who wanted me to write a review of the new Keurig Vue on my blog.  Instead I found evidence that I actually paid for the coffee maker–last Wednesday morning–after it was featured on a deal segment of the Today Show.

Me - Oooohhhhh….

You see, once I saw the receipt I remembered seeing the segment and ordering the coffee maker on my phone thinking , “I always wanted one of those.”  Even though I don’t drink coffee.

Shit.

Further muddying my post-operative waters I also received a thank you note from a charity I’ve never heard of for a donation I made the day after my surgery…from my cell phone.  As I read the email my immediate “what the hells?” dissipated after a sketchy memory came back of reading through my emails last week and seeing the request  from the charity.

Shit.

Making matters even more uncomfortable I have a vague memory of volunteering a food item for the twin’s holiday feast via email.  The party is scheduled for Tuesday, December 17th, and I don’t have the courage to explain to their teacher that I have no idea what I volunteered to bring (was it cheese?  was it a turkey?) because I was strung out on anesthesia with a chaser of vicodin.

Shit.

So, please consider this a public service announcement to anyone going “under” and their caregivers.

There should be no use of technology of any kind for 48 hours following anesthesia.

You’re welcome.

I suppose I should invest in some better coffee mugs now.

I suppose I should invest in some better coffee mugs now.

*****

Wednesday morning we talked about this post and two recipes during my weekly segment on 101.5 The River with Rick and Mary Beth.  The first recipe is for the Make-Ahead Cinnamon Rolls and can be found here.  The second recipe is for Make-Ahead Egg Nog French Toast Casserole and can be found here.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

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3 Comments on “ Post-Operative Shenanigans I Didn’t Remember… Until I Got The Receipt ”

  • Lori Lavender Luz | December 10th, 2013 11:22 pm

    Dang. I missed my opportunity to ask you to buy a case of my books.

    FUNNY!

    Hope you’re healing up well.

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  • Teri Biebel | December 12th, 2013 11:28 am

    I’m sorry Carolyn, but that’s hilarious. I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing NEAR you.

    By the way, you can make hot cocoa and tea with the Keurig. So when I come to visit you can make me hot cocoa. (you DO remember last week when you texted me and invited me and my whole family to come stay with you over New Years, don’t you?)

    :D

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  • Jen | December 14th, 2013 8:50 am

    Funny!

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