This Is Why I Duct Tape My Car

AUTHOR: | POSTED: March 3, 2014 | COMMENTS: 3 Comments
CATEGORIES: 1015 The River, Glass City Parent, Shenanigans, Tool Girl,

Carolyn Savage

If you read here you know I’m often pressed for time.  Actually, if you read here, you know there’s not enough time in the day to get everything done that I need to get done.  Hence…the name, “Mama On The Fly.”  I live “on the fly” because I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew on a regular basis and as a result, mundane tasks, like fixing my car, often gets flung to the bottom of a very randomly prioritized to-do list.

Why is my to-do list so random?

Because I’m human and lack discipline.  You see, I like to do certain things (like make something pretty) and don’t like to do other things (like fix the bumper on my car).  That’s normal, right?  I mean, isn’t THAT the reason most of our homes look nearly perfect when throwing a party but we hope and pray no one looks under our bed?  We tend to prioritize our to-do lists with prejudice and in our home my car has a serious civil rights issue.

Which is a problem… because I use my car a lot.  So, what’s the issue with my bumper?  Okay, prepare  yourself because I’m about to get all mechanical.  As best as I can tell, the underside of my front bumper lost a bolt—or something—that connected it to the under-carriage.  I think this may have happened the day I forgot there was a concrete parking barrier in front of me and drove over it.  After I realized what I’d done, I had a choice.  Pull forward and make my back tires go over the barrier or back up.  In my brilliance, I backed up.

I shouldn’t have backed up.

Anyways, I *think* it happened that day.  Then again, I guess the bolt could’ve just fallen out. Which of course means the fact that my bumper drags when I’m driving less than ten miles per hour is totally not my fault.  I’m sticking with that.

Did I mention this happened in November?  And that I’m very busy?

And I am.  I’m busy and I do not have a single day where I can be without my car to have this minor issue fixed.  And it is a minor issue, because due to the laws of physics and a scientific phenomenon called “lift” the bumper only drags when I’m driving very slowly.  In short, as long as I’m driving quickly, there is no issue with my car.  Which is great because I tend to drive fast.  Just ask the Ohio BMV, our local police department,  and my insurance agent.  They’ll all confirm my need for speed.

But, there is a problem.  Turns out there are times during my day when I have to slow down, and the worst is the school car line.   Apparently it’s frowned upon to enter my girls’ school parking lot like Mario Andretti and slam on the brakes at the sidewalk.  As a result, the school car line has turned into my most dreaded time of the day.  You see as my bumper scrapes the pavement announcing the Savage family’s arrival for the day to anyone within fifty feet of my vehicle, the sound reminds me of how messed up my priorities are.  A responsible parent would make a bee-line for the nearest auto repair shop upon exiting the parking lot, but not me.  Nope. My lack of discipline always wins as soon as I floor the gas and next thing I know I’m pushing a cart through Hobby Lobby so I can pick off my latest Pinterest inspired VERY IMPORTANT project.

And this, my friends, is why I duct taped the bottom of my bumper to something in my engine.  (I have no idea what I taped the bumper to, but all be damned if it isn’t working.)  Every once in awhile I have to retape the bumper and I realize that by taping the bumper I’m exacerbating the problem.  I’ve accepted that.

You see, after nearly 45 years of life, I’ve come to terms with who I am.  I dress nicely but my unmentionables are likely tattered.  I keep a clean house but guests are on there own if they venture into my closets.  I wash the exterior of my car but I freely admit I picked Nimbus Gray for the color of my Honda Odyssey by matching it to a roll of duct tape.    We all have our demons.

I’m embracing mine.

*****

Now, before anyone (ahem, Dad) feels the need to lecture me about the need to care responsibly for my car let me reassure you.  The bumper is scheduled for proper repair while I’m out of town in a few weeks.  So save it.  I’ve got this covered.

My crack.  I admit it.

My crack. I admit it.

 

For the recipe for stuffed shells that I talked about on my weekly segment with Rick and Mary Beth on 101.5 The River please click here.

 

 

 

3 Comments on “ This Is Why I Duct Tape My Car ”

  • Jen | March 3rd, 2014 9:07 pm

    I have the headlight on my car attached with a zip tie…not proud, but pleased I am not alone.

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  • Teri | March 4th, 2014 8:02 am

    To quote a very(?) famous lady, ‘ain’t nobody got time fo dat’. Seriously, I’m right there with you. If you put the car in for service, that’s a whole day where you can’t run here, run there, drop off, pick up, shop, do the things that need to be done. Forget loaners, because then you have the PITA of switching out car seats, and then the embarrassment of returning the loaner with 1/2 lb of Goldfish and half drunk sippy cups of milk littering the car. No, sister, I’m with you. Put it off til the last possible moment. Or you run out of duct tape, whichever comes first.

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  • Forgotten Bathing Suit Breast Pads and The Swim Lesson from Hell | Mama On The Fly | March 10th, 2014 12:18 pm

    […] a solution.  I was desperate.  Could I stuff my suit with a sock?  Toilet paper?  Do I have any duct tape?  Should I ask some other woman in here for duct tape?  After a minute of […]

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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