AUTHOR: Carolyn Savage | POSTED: March 4, 2013 | COMMENTS: 2 Comments
CATEGORIES: Blogging Honestly, The Winter Blues,
Last week, as I dragged myself through the gloomiest of days, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I was suffering from a touch of that thing called seasonal affective disorder. My patience was spent, my normally sunny disposition was muted, and add to that some very sick children, and by Saturday morning I felt like I needed a break that, frankly, was not in the cards.
Every year I dread the months of January and February. March isn’t that great either. I first noticed that this time of year was hard for me back in the seventh grade. I remember riding to school on the bus– in the dark, and getting picked up from after school play practice– in the dark, and thinking, “this darkness is strangling me“. At that time in my life, I’d never heard of seasonal affective disorder, but looking back on it, I realize now that the cold, gray days that seem to pile up come the end of winter really do impact me negatively.
Sean and I were talking Thursday night and I was hesitantly voicing my disdain for my current status quo and feeling guilty.
Why is it that guilt is something that I can so easily conjure?
Of course, I realize that the little things that are making me feel a bit blue pale in comparison to the challenges that so many others face. We have a house. We have food. We have our health (minus a few nasty coughs and viruses that seem to be breeding quite comfortably in our home right now).
What do I have to feel down about?
Perspective is so important in adjusting my attitude, but sometimes I just want to say “screw it” (that’s not really what I mutter but I’m trying not to curse during Lent) and hide under the covers for a day. That isn’t possible, though. So, sometimes in defiance of “keep on, keepin’on”, I fight back by not washing my hair or staying in my pajama bottoms all day.
I know, I know…what a rebel.
Yesterday was one of those kind of days. I was exhausted from not having slept through the night in a week (sick kids), and Sean had a full day planned out of the house, which left me confined to these four walls with whiny, ill children. To top it off, I didn’t feel all that great. So, I stayed in my pjs all day and just maintained. Diapers were changed, breathing treatments were given on schedule, but there were no capital improvements (i.e….beds stayed unmade, laundry stayed in hampers, dishes pile up, and cooking didn’t happen).
I just barely made it happen yesterday.
When I went to bed last night, I flipped open my laptop and came across a private message from a reader on our Facebook Page that said…
“I just wanted to reach out privately and tell you how much I enjoy your blog. You inspire me to take on every day with a healthy dose of perseverance even when things kind of suck. Thank you.”
This message made me smile and worry simultaneously. Although it lifted my spirits just enough to make me to shower this morning, I want everyone to know that I think it’s okay to have a crumby day–or period of crumby days–once in a while. I have them and it troubles me to think that someone might be reading here and thinking something is wrong with them because I don’t share that I ever get “down in the dumps”.
Blogging can be a double edged sword in that regard. In fact, I actually follow a few blogs that I suspect paint quite an unrealistic picture of what their day to day lives are like. In the beginning, I found these bloggers inspirational, but last week, I found their unicorn and butterfly infested posts aggravating. Like somehow I’m “less than” because I can’t seem to suck the joy out of every minute of my very blessed life.
So here’s to some ugly, un-showered, daytime-pajama-wearing, feeling-like-a-slug honesty.
We all have crappy days.
I feel a little less guilty now.
And…I may even get dressed today! It’s the little things.
Often the smallest things help me restore cheeriness… so today I am cleaning my fridge.
What do you do to help you feel better when the blues get a hold of your days?
I’d love to know.