How A Trip to The Fabric Store Turned into An Episode of “Cops”

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Categories: 1015 The River, Blog, Compassion, From The Files of You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

Carolyn Savage

I was cruising along minding my own business.  McFlurry in one hand and the treasure of five yards of bargain-priced, perfect nursery-window-treatment fabric sitting comfortably in my passenger seat.  It was even peaceful as the kids were safely at home with my trusted sitter.  Life was good.  Until it wasn’t.

I was on my way back home and on a deadline.  My sitter had to leave at one and at 12:50 pm I was cutting it a little close, but that was okay.  I had accomplished everything on my errand list and was on the home stretch.  That’s when I noticed the red minivan in front of me.  It was drifting left of center as we made our way westbound through a busy intersection.  I remember thinking, “Correct.  Correct!  CORRECT!” And he did.  But only after it was too late.I was right on his tail as he side swiped three cars sitting in the east bound left-hand turn lane.  Rear view mirrors, glass and metal flew everywhere and because we were moving at a pretty good clip, there wasn’t time to stop.  Next thing I knew we were hundreds of yards past the scene of the accident.  And still driving.


I immediately noticed he’d … Read the rest

Two Bizarre Phone Calls; Four Staples in His Head; and A Remote Control Car Stuck in Her Hair…Just A Couple of Reasons I Should Never Leave My House

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Categories: Blog, college, From The Files of You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

Carolyn Savage

My sister-in-law, Jo Ann, and I have a lot of repetitive conversations.  One of them always starts with, “If I die please promise me …”.  I’ve filled in the blank with making her promise SHE’LL pick out my casket attire;  SHE’LL make sure my house is clean before my wake; and–as should’ve been the case this past Saturday–SHE’LL supervise anytime Sean feels the need to cut one of our daughter’s hair.

Why was Sean cutting Mary Kate’s hair?

Well, let me start from the beginning.

Ryan is searching for colleges.   He’ll begin his senior year in August and in an attempt to get our parental ducks in a row we have scheduled four college visits before the academic year begins.  Early in June Ry and I set off on a two night road trip to visit Indiana University in Bloomington, and my alma mater, Miami University in Oxford, Ohio.  Both schools have stellar business programs–which is what Ryan wants to study. One of the schools fit his criteria.  He wants a “big school”.  One where he can earn a reputable degree AND have fun attending football and basketball games.  If you know anything about Miami, you know that it’s football and basketball teams are not all that great. … Read the rest

Just Another Reason This Pregnancy Has Been Good For Me

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Categories: Blog, pregnancy, Travel, Travel Trouble

Carolyn Savage

19 1/2 weeks and I’m half way.

I know for most women twenty weeks marks the half way point of pregnancy but given my history of early deliveries combined with the fact that my doctor says I can’t go any longer than 39 weeks, I think it’s safe to say I’ve hit the the gestational summit.  It’s all downhill from here.  Right?

Cue snickering.

Actually I’m well aware that the most potentially challenging parts of this pregnancy–namely the third trimester–are ahead of me.  I tend to run into issues with labile hypertension (fancy term for blood pressure that dances up and down like a stipper on a pole)  at around 28 weeks.  So, I figure I have nine weeks to blissfully skip through the field of this pregnancy that finally is allowing me to feel human again.

Dare I write it…my morning sickness is gone.


Honestly, it’s hard for me to express how grateful I am to be through the first trimester of hell.  April and May of 2014 will go down as two of the darkest most sickly months of my life.  The shock of this pregnancy still often catches up to me and during those moments of surrealness I wonder why this has happened.  Then a wave … Read the rest

And Then He Chased The Snake with A Shovel…Have We Learned Nothing?

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Categories: Blog, From The Files of You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

Carolyn Savage

Snakes like my patio.

I have no idea why snakes like my patio.  Maybe it’s because we stained the concrete a dark gray and as a result it heats up quite quickly.  Maybe they like to coil themselves around our black flower pots so they can hug my petunias whiles sunbathing.  Or–and I honestly think this is the more likely scenario–maybe they know I sliced one of their relatives in half with my sliding glass door and periodically scaring the hell out of me is part of their master grand snake plan of revenge.

Yup.  I think that’s it.  It’s about revenge.

And, it’s all so unnecessary.  There is not need for revenge because no one regrets the whole half-a-snake in my house incident more than me.  I mean, even though I was able to scrub, bleach and disinfect the snake blood from the frame of my door, it turns out there isn’t enough mental bleach in the world to erase the horror of cutting a snake in half.  But, damn.  Shouldn’t they understand?  I had no choice.  It was either slam the snake in the door–or–go to jail for arson.

Regardless, I will go the rest of my life trying not to kill another snake.  I’ve learned … Read the rest

“How The Heck Did This Even Happen?” And Other Questions About This Baby

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Categories: Blog, pregnancy, Pregnant at 45

Carolyn Savage

I’ve spent much of the last 13 weeks pondering my current state of pregnant at 45.  At first I was shocked and honestly, I think my constant state of “holy crap” has only just recently started to wear off.  Telling people helped a little.  Finding out our baby  is healthy helped even more.  Slam dunking my first trimester free of complications was the icing on the cake.  As a result, Sean and I have moved from the surrealness  of the pregnancy to planning mode.  We’ve got some arrangements to make.

Seeing as how all of you only recently found out about our surprise, we’ve gotten a lot of questions about how this baby boy came to be.  They aren’t the usual questions but given our history of infertility, miscarriage and that whole episode of “pregnant w/somebody’s else’s child” I understand.  At first I was answering individual messages and emails but in the interest of efficiency I think it’s fair to simply lay out the details for one and all.  After all, this whole episode has come as a shock to everyone who knows us.

So…here you go!

Was This Pregnancy Planned?

Simply, no.  The idea that at the age of 45 my reproductive system suddenly corrected itself is baffling to … Read the rest

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