AUTHOR: Carolyn Savage | POSTED: 11/30/14 1:50 PM
As most of you know this isn’t our first trip to the NICU. We’ve had a 30 weeker (Ryan); a 32 weeker (MK); and a 37 weeker who acted like a 34 weeker (Isabella). You’d think after a track record like that I would have been a little more realistic about the odds of us ending up with a NICU admission for Nicholas.
I don’t know where my cockiness came from. I guess I thought God was throwing us a bone with the entire pregnancy. Given everything we’d already been through I figured we somehow earned a healthy, uneventful delivery.
Am I ever going to learn that life really doesn’t work that way?
There is no score card getting punched for every challenge someone faces. There is no cosmic being magically balancing the strokes of good fortune with the hard stuff. God doesn’t sit up on a thrown deciding who gets sick, who gets to face unimaginable loss, and who gets to breeze on through with minimal hiccups.
We all live in a world that we cannot totally control and sometimes we pull the short straw.
The trick is in surviving the short straw.
Over the course of my 45 years I’ve learned a few things about how I operate under stress. First off, I know as much as I don’t want to be, I’m snippy. My patience is almost nonexistent which requires me to apologize…a lot. I also know that the peripheral crap I normally occupy my mind with gets dusted when I’m under duress. The need to decorate my house to perfection for the holidays…gone. The need to meticulously dress my children…ditched. The need to straighten my frizzy head of hair…whatever. Is it clean? Are my teeth brushed?
The rest of the journey consists of an approach that requires me to lower my chin to my chest and plow on through. I comfort myself by knowing that a year from now, no matter how this turns out, I will be in a different place.
Hopefully it will be a better place.
Nicholas is doing really well right now. He still has a nasal cannula, but his oxygen requirements are minimal. We even gave him a three hour stint without the cannula yesterday to see how he tolerated breathing without it. He did well, but even though his saturations stayed consistenly healthy he looked like he was working really hard at inhaling. So, in the interest of not allowing him to crash and burn, the cannula was put back on.
I was okay with that. He needs a little bit more time.
The really good news is that his lung x-ray was clear this morning. How about that? It is the first time we’ve seen him with clear and open lungs since the day after he was born. He’s making progress.
The doctors are more convinced than ever that this is an upper airway problem. So, tomorrow he is going in for another broncoscopy. The pulmonary team is going to take another look at his lungs and bronchus and then the ENT team will check his upper airway and most likely dilate it again. (Remember, we were told that they may have to dilate his airway a few times before it actually stays open.)
There is a good chance he will return to us intubated…again. In order to keep him comfortable they will have to sedate him during the intubation. I hate that, because he’s been so alert and eating so well. When he’s sedated it’s like our baby boy is gone. But I understand he has to be sedated while he’s intubated in order for him to be comfortable.
Double edged sword.
Please keep Nicholas in your prayers tomorrow. We need him to come through this next procedure without complication. We want to continue down this road of healing.
I’ve met a few other parents in here and I’d like to ask you to pray for their children as well. The first is baby Samantha. She is undergoing open-heart surgery (her second in five weeks) tomorrow. Her mama is scared. They need our prayers.
Please pray for baby Emma and baby Madalyn. They are twins born at 29 weeks after suffering from twin to twin transfusion syndrome. Emma is a little more fragile than Madalyn. Hopefully with a lot of prayer and expert medical care their mother, father and big brother will have them home…healthy and happy.
As always, Sean and I are so grateful to all of you who are holding Nicholas and our family in your thoughts and prayers. We will really need them tomorrow. I will update our Facebook page in the afternoon.